alt_padma: (Sad)
Look, I know you said you don't love me but I don't care. I'll do anything you want, anyway. You have to give me a chance, you just have to or I'll die. I'd be perfect for you if you think about it. This whole holiday Pav's been absolutely in tears over getting betrothed and fighting for the suitor she wants, and I understood but I didn't really know how she had to feel, getting so desperate to make the right choice forever. And I guess it got me thinking about my choices, and whether I'd really ever be happy with anyone else. So when I saw you tonight with Daphne like that I--I just couldn't take it anymore. Knowing that you don't see me. I had to say something. I had to make you understand.

You're the only gora I've ever wanted, the only one my parents would approve of, too. Lares, Grant, Davies, even Blaise--no, especially Blaise--they were all just placeholders. It's always been you. It's never not going to be.

And I don't care who knows it. I don't care if it means I have to crawl behind you every day, or if it means you make me act like a mudblood for you. Just as long as I can be near. It's like that line in Shakespeare:

I am your mudblood, and ...
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you:
Use me but as your mudblood, spurn me, hex me,
Neglect me, curse me; only give me leave,
Unworthy as I am, to follow you.
What worser place can I beg in your love,
And yet a place of high respect with me,
Than to be used as you use your mudblood?


It's just like that.

Isn't it odd how a wizard who's been dead so long can know just how I feel?

I love you so much I think my heart's going to burst. It feels like the only way to make it stop is if you'd love me back, and if you can't or won't, then I may have to just cut it out of my chest to stop it hurting so much.

Give me a chance to prove it to you. Give me a chance to see if you could love me. Please.

I'd rather be unhappy loving you, even if you made me suffer every day, than try to be happy with anyone else.
alt_padma: (Default)
Did you see what Marvolo's mudblood did yesterday? I barely noticed it at the time and then everyone was celebrating and then this morning I opened up my journal and looked back to see what people were saying during the challenge and I saw!

If I were Harry, I'd be well cross, wouldn't you? I can't imagine a servant getting above herself like that! What do you think he'll do to her?

And Lana Sandoval looked just radiant yesterday, didn't she? I think Auror training is honestly the best thing ever for her. She's so happy. And last time she wasn't, did I tell you about that? I'm sure I must have done. She didn't get her intensive with Auror Crouch and she had to work under some crusty old fossil at MLE and she hated every moment. But she spent her time writing papers and she's actually submitted them for publication! Pretty inspiring, I think, as a way to make the best of a bad situation. And now she's got a different intensive with Ms Wright and that must be very agreeable because she really looks amazing.

Plus? She hinted that she might be back over the holidays. It's got to have something to do with the Tri-Wizard Tournament, of course, but what?

Oh, and Lav, Daphs wants help with a project to look through old magazines for articles on someone, you'll never guess, but I can't tell you! It'll just be really interesting to find out what she's trying to learn!
alt_padma: (concentrating)
MacMillan, you know what we talked about at History Club? Well....

You heard about Carrow's Professor McG Carrow's mudblood? And Malfoy's post, about the hospital wing?

Come and find me in the Corner this afternoon and we can go somewhere to talk.

Oh, and Belinda and Morag, you ought to come too. I know you were sitting with Perks yesterday, so you might have seen or heard something different to the rest of us.
alt_padma: (Hm)
is an utter waste of time!!! We'd do just as well to get the books and take it in turns to read aloud to one another, for all the good lessons do.

Why do we have to learn one thing from the books and a whole other thing to write in our essays for Professor Binns? It's so frustrating.

Today we learnt about Roman wizards coming to England with Emperor Marcus Aurelius. Our book says there were about 100 wizards, more or less, and the Emperor revered them and paid them tribute to get them to fight with him. They fought the druids and helped bring the sort of magic we use now into England, and the Emperor helped them until his grandson, who didn't like magic because he didn't have any, started to make things difficult.

But Professor Binns wants us to say that the Romans didn't have wizards in their armies at all, and that they (the Roman wizards) came only after Rome took over and they decided to trade methods and theory with the druids, all without the Muggles knowing about it, and that's why so many spells have Latin, but the wands are all made out of kinds of wood from here.

If the books are wrong, why do we use them? And if Professor Binns is wrong, why do we have to go on learning from him? Why can't we have another teacher and just change classrooms?

(Potions is still really excellent, though. And everything else is fine. And my marks are still really high. I told Morag and Linus I'd revise with them twice a week, but the rest of the time I'm with Sandoval and Johns and the rest. I'm learning ever so much!)

Mum wrote to say they're sending Morrison (that's the mudblood we had this summer) back to the camps. He's finished the shop expansion Mum wanted. I'm not sure what I think. I mean, at first I didn't like having him about at all, but after awhile it wasn't so bad. He wasn't smelly or dirty, except when he'd been working. He was really old, as old as Haruman I guess. and when he took his shirt off I'd almost got used to having him about, but it's not as if we really need him anymore at home. Pity he can't really be with either me or Parvati, to do chores for us here. But he's too old. And he's not Kshatriyan, so it wouldn't be proper.

Maybe we'll get a mudblood who's a little younger, like Malfoy's is, for our birthday next year. That'd be sort of nift.
alt_padma: (Default)
then I'm glad you had a good time.

But I'm also glad everyone seems to be done talking about it. Mum and Dad took us there when Haruman got his O.W.L. results. But that was a few years ago. Anyway, since then, we've been to Camelot a few times and I like it much better. The Singing Sword Duelling Game alone is completely nift, and Parvati and me both love the Guenevere's Castle Fashion Makeover thing, where you can design robes and armor and things.

And the rides are much better than Blackpool's, especially the Dragon one. And Merlin's Crystal Cave. The best thing is, hardly anything there is leftover from the muggles. That's what dad says, anyways. Camelot wasn't even properly finished when the Lord Protector took over, so the wizards who decided to continue made it much nicer.

Anyway, maybe if my marks are as good again next year, and if Parvati's marks improve, we can have a proper outing there with friends and all.

Oh, and the mudblood finished the shed and everything that goes under the balcony, too. We thought at first it would be horrid having him about, but he's sort of...well, we don't really notice him that much anymore. Anyway, dad says he's not going to have him build our balcony until we're on the camping trip, so at least we don't have to worry about him being in our room when we're trying to read or anything. For now, you can see the shed he built from our window, so every day we saw him working. He used to take his shirt off after an hour or two out there. Mudbloods are such animals!

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Padma Patil

September 2015

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