Private Message to Seamus
May. 7th, 2014 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_padmaThomas is dead.
He's dead and it's our fault. Well, sort of.
Professor Dolohov found him with that stupid book, the one he showed in class yesterday. The fool had tried to open it and use it.
I don't know how he got round Professor Dolohov's wards. That was the whole point of sending him there in the first place--so he'd get caught!
He was so angry at first--Professor Dovs, I mean--but then the more I told him what I was told to do and what I'd intended the more he calmed down. He was still upset--I mean, we both were, I didn't like Thomas and I know you didn't either but he wasn't meant to actually die, he was just supposed to get caught. What sort of idiot takes those instructions and actually tries to learn spells out of a book that dangerous, without any sort of precautions?
Should I tell Lana what happened? She'll probably think I was masterfully ruthless, arranging for him to get himself killed like that. Maybe I shouldn't tell her I didn't mean for it to happen?
I was so worried I was going to get expelled. Ugh. This is the worst, honestly. I almost wish I had meant it to happen, only then I would have been in so much trouble with Professor Dolohov. I told him I hoped he wasn't going to be in too much trouble, only it's obvious that he wasn't to blame at all.
I just can't believe Thomas was so idiotic.
And I can't help feeling so bad about it.
Oh, Lakshmi!
I bet this means there's no way they'll make me Head Girl next year.
He's dead and it's our fault. Well, sort of.
Professor Dolohov found him with that stupid book, the one he showed in class yesterday. The fool had tried to open it and use it.
I don't know how he got round Professor Dolohov's wards. That was the whole point of sending him there in the first place--so he'd get caught!
He was so angry at first--Professor Dovs, I mean--but then the more I told him what I was told to do and what I'd intended the more he calmed down. He was still upset--I mean, we both were, I didn't like Thomas and I know you didn't either but he wasn't meant to actually die, he was just supposed to get caught. What sort of idiot takes those instructions and actually tries to learn spells out of a book that dangerous, without any sort of precautions?
Should I tell Lana what happened? She'll probably think I was masterfully ruthless, arranging for him to get himself killed like that. Maybe I shouldn't tell her I didn't mean for it to happen?
I was so worried I was going to get expelled. Ugh. This is the worst, honestly. I almost wish I had meant it to happen, only then I would have been in so much trouble with Professor Dolohov. I told him I hoped he wasn't going to be in too much trouble, only it's obvious that he wasn't to blame at all.
I just can't believe Thomas was so idiotic.
And I can't help feeling so bad about it.
Oh, Lakshmi!
I bet this means there's no way they'll make me Head Girl next year.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:08 am (UTC)He had no business trying to cast something out of that book. Professor Dolohov made it very clear how dangerous it was. Neither of us would've tried, we have enough sense not to.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:27 am (UTC)And I did say that if he were going to crash, I wanted him to crash on his own. Well, he certainly did that.
Still. I'll always know that he wouldn't have been so foolish if we hadn't told him to steal from Professor Dolohov. Or maybe he would have been.
He looked a little like Sanji, without any color like that. He'd been dead for a while, it looked like.
I guess it's not as difficult for you, considering what you've already done. But it didn't have to happen, not like--not like when you had to do your ritual. That's what's so hard about it, it was so unnecessary.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:31 am (UTC)Thomas...when he came, I was really hopefully that I'd have a friend in Gryffindor finally. And we were, maybe, a bit, for a while, but then he shut me out just like Weasley and Longbottom. Or not like Weasley and Longbottom, because they shut me out to be mates with each other, and Thomas didn't have any mates. He didn't seem to want any.
I feel like we should have been able to be friends. If people had known all along he was a half-blood, if he'd grown up in fostering like he should have instead of in the camps, maybe he wouldn't have been so cold and prickly and angry all the time.
I don't know.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:13 am (UTC)But I guess you're right. Look at Avery. He was Head Boy and he got killed in a wand-cleaning accident.
So I suppose there's no guarantee of success, either way.
no subject
Date: 2014-05-08 03:17 am (UTC)But people are Head Girl for a year. You can be a Councilwitch for the rest of your life. Just don't get on the wrong side of anyone who might want to see you accidentally do yourself in with your own wand, by accident.
I think Lana will be impressed. If you don't let on that you feel guilty.